If you want a man to respect you, give him something to respect.
I feel like a thirty-five year old woman trapped inside of a twenty-one, almost twenty-two year old girl’s body. I can’t stop thinking about marriage. I’m not ready to get married now. I need about 6 or 7 more years, BUT I’ve been wondering if I’ll ever get married? Where is my Boaz? In the last year and a half, I have been on more dates than I can count…Some worth going on, and many worth erasing the memory of. I’ve met men with charming personalities and a lot of potential. Unfortunately, potential just isn’t enough. I’m not satisfied with knowing that you MIGHT make a good boyfriend and hopefully a faithful husband. Well, I’m not satisfied anymore…..now that I know I want to be married one day. Some of the men from my past followed the same pattern…..disappearing acts. They just fell off the face of the earth. No text/call/email…..nothing. Lately, I’ve met men who don’t believe in God, the institution of marriage, or being loyal to women. I had to raise my eyebrow because I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how I attracted them. God? Marriage? Loyalty to women? Those are three important things to me… How could I possibly move forward with these men? I couldn’t.
Where is my Boaz?
One of my friends met a guy nine months ago, and she truly believed in her heart that he is was her husband. When she confessed this to me, they had never even spoken a word to each other but she just felt it in her spirit. Nine months later, with little conversation here and there, a few likes on some Instagram pictures, and a friend request on Facebook, she still feels the same way she did when she first laid eyes on him. He knows that she likes him but he has yet to make a move. When discussing something over lunch one day, he made a comment saying; “I don’t move unless God tells me to move.” As annoyed as I was for my friend because I felt like he was playing hard to get, I had to respect that comment and a man like that is one to be admired. Ladies, you definitely want a man who seeks God’s counsel. I personally don’t make any major moves until I get confirmation from God so I would definitely look for that in the man that I choose to be my husband. Since I started this blog, I’ve been pretty open with my back and forth with Fitz and in my last post, “Game Over”, I thought I was really DONE with Fitz until he called and set me straight last week. Our conversation made me realize when I’m dealing with relationships, I operate out of fear. I over analyze many things and I become insecure off of “what ifs.” I complain about Fitz’s lack of communication not realizing that men can’t communicate with you when you are always attacking them. I feel the need to be aggressive with men so that I don’t come off as weak but the truth of the matter is, men need to see a weak spot. Otherwise, they will not feel needed. Men want to be able to help, solve, make better, control, provide… They need that. I have to learn how to be vulnerable. I don’t know how to make a guy feel needed because I didn’t have a guy in my life that I depended on. I learned how to take care of things on my own so when a guy tries to make me feel like I need him, I’m quick to remind him that I don’t. Luckily, if we refuse to see ourselves, God will send someone to show us, us! After my talk with Fitz and some girl talk with my roommate, I realized there’s so much that I still need to work on before I can truly be a partner for someone. As I was going back and forth with Fitz, I wondered if God was still grooming him. He’s grooming the both of us. Whether or not He’s grooming us for each other, He’s definitely grooming us for our future. After 9 months of no progress with the man she believes is her husband, my friend can’t help but to wonder why God would show her her husband but not allow her to move forward with him just yet… She’s received confirmation that he’s just not ready. He still has a lot of growing to do and if God were to let her have him now, she probably wouldn’t even want him. She’s a lot more patient than me. She’s going to remain still. I’m the complete opposite. If he’s not ready at the time I need him to be ready, I’ll move on to the next…. That was before I realized I wanted to be married and how patience was something I would have to learn before becoming anyone’s wife.
Whether or not He’s grooming us for each other, He’s definitely grooming us for our future.
I only knew that I would really be married when God began to take me through the training. Every woman’s training to be a wife is different but you’ll know when you’re going through it. I’m assuming that the training is also the grooming. All that is ugly on the inside, God is making beautiful. All that is not like Him, He’s stripping away. The toughest part of my training has been the outward transformation; the way I carry myself. I’m a Gemini; the best zodiac sign. But, I’m one of the good Geminis. I’m the wild, life of the party, outgoing, spur of the moment type of Gemini. I believe in trying everything once and being a free spirit, but over the years I’ve taken that mentality to another level. Through my training, I’ve had to pay attention to the way I wear my clothes, the places I go to have “fun” and the conversations I have with men. A few weeks ago, I was preparing to go out on a date and my roommate was helping me find an outfit. She sat there staring at me as I tried on a shirt and then threw it back on the bed because the front was too low. She sat there laughing at me because she couldn’t believe that I was actually considering the fact that my clothes may have not been appropriate. I was shocked too but I knew I wanted to come off as a lady to this man. In the past, I couldn’t understand why I kept attracting these men that thought it was ok to ask me to send them a naked pic, or “come through” and chill at their house. I wanted to make an impression on this new guy. I wanted him to look at me and think: classy. I knew how to make classy look sexy so I wasn’t worried about him being attracted to me. I just didn’t want this fool to TRY me. After many outfit changes, my mission was accomplished….. Since we met at a lounge during Happy Hour, he knew that I was a social drinker so for the second date he invited me to his house for dinner and drinks. Any other time, I would be down to let a man cook for me and I would bring the drinks, but this time I wasn’t down. We had only gone on one date and I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression by going to his house late in the evening to eat…..and get drunk. I’ve had enough drunk nights with men I barely knew and I didn’t want that to be my testimony anymore so I declined. —– These are just a few examples of the decisions I have to make when going through this training to become a wife. No one really knows how to be a wife. It’s a learning experience. You learn as you go, but you have to make sure you’re prepared. Is marriage something you value? Do you believe in love? Are you committed to being a man’s partner for LIFE?
I wanted him to look at me and think: classy.
While I believe men should come correct, I also believe that women have to make sure they do the same. You can’t expect from a man what you are not even willing to try. We teach men how to treat us with the way we carry ourselves, the way we talk about ourselves and other women, and the way we behave in private. We teach them what we believe is acceptable. As I go through my training, I realize what I thought I wanted in a man is not at all what I really want. I’ve been very careful when praying for my husband. I want to make sure the man I’m praying for is the man God is grooming for me. A King is not a King without his Queen so before He leads you to your King, you must first recognize that you’re wearing a crown. Allow God to groom you and take you through the training. Your King will be a better King because you were prepared.
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